The Liaison Co-ordinator by Tom Leonard

Efturryd geenuz iz speel
iboot whut wuz right
nwhut wuz rang
boot this nthat
nthi next thing
a sayzty thi bloke
nwhut izzit yi caw yir joab jimmy
am a liaison co-ordinator
hi sayz oh good ah sayz
a liaison co-ordinator
jist whut this erria needs
whut wi aw thi unimploymint
inaw thi bevvyin
nthi boayz runnin amock nthi hoossyz fawnty bits
nthi wummin n tranquilisers
it last thiv sent uz
a liaison co-ordinator.
Sumdy wia digree
in f*ck knows whut
getn pyd fur no known whut thi f*ck ti day way it.

Translation by Laurence Demarco

After he'd given us his spiel, about what was right and what was wrong, about this and that and the next thing – I say to the bloke ''and what is it your call your job Jimmy?'' ''I'm a Liaison Co-ordinator.'' Just what this area needs – what with all the unemployment, and all the bevying, and the boys running amok, and the houses falling to bits, and the women on tranquilisers. At last they've sent us a Liaison Co-ordinator. Somebody with a degree, and fuck knows what getting paid for not knowing what the fuck to do with it.

http://www.senscot.net/print_art.php?viewid=8728

http://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.uk/poetry/poets/tom-leonard