Your Cut-out and keep Guide: How to how to Choose the New Labour leader

Everyone needs a simple guide to take them through stressful situations so UNISONActive thought that we would assist those agonising over the choice of next Labour leader. We are not backing any particular candidate here, just providing a few pointers as to how to make that very important decision.

Will it be Miliband? But which Miliband? Will it be Ed? But which Ed? Is there a cute one? What about the Black one? Who is playing Sporty Spice ?

This is the quiz that will help.

Each candidate starts with one thousand points-1000. As we don’t supply the answers you may need to use Google search in your quest but persevere, please.

This is a scientifically designed test that will calm your nerves and ensure you make the right decision.

The question	The Result
Does this candidate habitually use the terms "Comrades" or are we all "Colleagues and Friends"?	Deduct 100 points if there are no comrades. We are not at a business converntion. We are engage in a great historal undertaking .
Does the candidate have a public school education or have they sent their kids to public school?	Deduct 100 points for own education or 200 if kids went. Sending kids implies a contempt for public services
Was the candidate caught up in the Great Expenses Scandal?	Deduct 50 points for every offence. The public may forget, but the lapse in judgement is serious. How can anyone defend the rake off?
Are words like "immigration" and " asylum-seekers" a feature of their manifesto?	Deduct 100 points. We know what this is about.
Do they use the words " decent working families " in any combination feature?	Deduct 100 points for "decent". What would be indecent? Deduct 200 for "working" why stigmatise the unemployed? Delete 100 for "families"-we don’t all live in nuclear family boxes Repeat use of the combined term- further 500 points deduction.
How often is the word "choice" involved?	100 points for every mention. "Choice" is for consumers choosing cookers . Politics is not. It is for using the state to the best end for all its citizens .
How often is the word "fairness" used?	100 points again lost. The Labour Party is about justice and challenging inequality- " Fairness" is guaranteed by a referee, and we don’t have one
Does the word " freedom" ? appear.	Context is all. Is that "Freedom from…" as in freedom from poverty , freedom from inequality, freedom from injustice? Score 500 for each. If its freedom to exploit , freedom for the market, make huge bonuses , deduct 500 points for each
Finally is the candidate totally signed up to the UNISON Alternative Manifesto ?	Deduct 500 points if they are not- add 1000 if they are . If they are not prepared to promise a new beginning, why vote for them?

Any candidate with a positive score by the end may be worth a vote. You can in addition check their voting record on the "Ask Aristotle" section of the Guardian website. Good Luck and remember, a Labour Leader isn’t just for Conference.